Probably Something I Ate
by ShinyFab
Summary: Fatherhood is only a dream for Gaius Baltar.


"Gaius." The corners of his mouth twitched into an involuntary smile. "Come on sleepyhead. Time to get up. I'm hungry."

"You don't actually eat, my dear." He rolled over, eyes still closed, luxuriating in the warmth of the bed.

"Don't be silly. I have to eat. After all. I am eating for two now." He went still for a moment.

"That's not funny, you know. You are, _after all_, in my head. Now I'm going back to sleep."

Gaius Baltar was unceremoniously kicked out of bed. He found himself lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling of his lush Caprican home that didn't exist anymore. She was looking over the bed at him blond hair loose as usual, a smirk on her face that quickly changed to a mock pout. "The baby and I are hungry. Do you want us to starve?"

She patted her stomach, which Gaius noticed was far more protruding and round than he remembered.

"You can't. You can't be serious," he spluttered. "This is just another one of my hilarious delusions. We can't have children because you aren't real. And - and I don't want children. You can't have them without wanting them." She glared down at him with a look that could strike even the Commander dead.

"Get up Gaius," she spat. "Get up and make us some food. Now." Gaius pushed himself up, but made sure to stand back where she couldn't reach him. "Good. What did you say sweetheart?" She dipped her head toward her stomach. "Oh, of course. The baby will have some fruit." She looked back up at him, thoroughly excited by her child's choice of food. He couldn't look at anything but the bulge apparent beneath her exquisite peach nightgown.

"Uh, right. Breakfast. With fruit." He watched, mesmerized, as her hand smoothed along her belly in a gesture known to mothers since the beginning of time. Slowly, he backed out of the room, his eyes locked on her.

He grasped the stair railing tightly as his legs threatened to give way. 'She couldn't be. This has to be a dream. She's probably just playing with me,' he thought.

"Yes, this is just a dream. Not real. Not real at all." He voiced his convictions aloud to the carpeting.

The kitchen was as he remembered, although the refrigerator was stocked to overflowing with fruit, eggs, fresh meat, and fish. He frowned slightly at that and made a mental note to talk to her about eating fish during the pregnancy. A moment later he told the fish he didn't care because she wasn't really pregnant. The fish didn't reply. Sighing, he pulled out eggs and Caprican smoked sausage.

"Something smells wonderful!" she said floating into the kitchen and taking a seat at the breakfast bar. "Thank you for cooking, Gaius." He turned to her, incredulous.

"You made me cook, remember? I thought you were going to eat _me_ if I didn't meet your demands."

"Don't be such a baby." She propped her chin up with her hands, elbows on the granite counter top. "That's our child's job. You'll make her jealous."

"Its a girl is it," he said as he flipped over some sausage, hoping his indulgence of her would lead to a quick resolution of this ridiculous nightmare. "Thank the Gods. Hopefully she'll look like you."

"Oh Gaius." A subtle note of hope in her voice.

"What?" he asked, half listening.

"I said, is that a compliment?" she replied quickly.

"Of course it is. I wouldn't know the first thing to do with a boy. Not to mention, girls shouldn't look like their fathers. Oh. And yes, you're beautiful as well. Now, time to eat." He set a plate piled high with food and a glass of juice in front of her.

Grabbing her fork, she began shoveling food into her mouth. "Slow down," he admonished. There's plenty."

"I'm just so _hungry_." Something in her tone made him think about the many times they had riotous sex upstairs. Right before the end of the worlds. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Blowing out a slow puff of air he began to count backward from ten.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"Doing what?" she asked innocently between bites of egg and sausage.

"You can't be pregnant and we both know it," he said quietly, accusingly. Her hand just missed grabbing her glass, and orange juice rippled across the counter top and onto the floor.

"Look what you made me do! Our baby needed that juice!" Her voice was high and shrill, panicky.

He searched furiously for anything to clean up the mess. "Frakking maid never leaves out a towel," he cursed under his breath. At last he found some in a drawer. Grabbing a few, he hurried around to her. She remained on the stool watching rivulets rush off the counter onto her lap. Gaius dropped one towel onto the large puddle next to her chair. Juice soaked the front of her short, green nightgown while more rolled down her legs. Tenderly, he patted the towel along her legs trapping the wayward liquid.

"I'm sorry," he said, a little surprised that he actually meant it.

"Don't you want our baby?" Her question seemingly noncommittal, but he knew better. She turned her head away from him to stare out one of the large picture windows. He found a patch of dry to floor to sit on while he continued to caress her legs with the towel.

"Do you want me to be honest?" She stilled. He tensed.

"Yes," she said finally.

"I don't know." He leaned in to gently brush a kiss into her calf. "What do I know about children? Absolutely frak all, that's what. And where would we keep this mythical child of ours?" He was beginning to rant now. "Perhaps we could shove her in the pilots' quarters or find a good storage closet." He was angry with her, he realized. This could never be real even though a tiny little sliver of him wished beyond belief that it were.

"Don't mock this Gaius." Her voice threatened tears and anger.

"There _is nothing to mock_. Don't you understand that? There is no child, this place," he waved his hands at his ridiculously luxurious kitchen, "doesn't exist anymore. We live on the Galactica now because I helped you unwittingly destroy Colonial civilization in exchange for mind blowing sex. Maybe, when this fictional child is born and she wants to know how mummy and daddy met, I can tell her that too!"

She started to cry, face buried in her hands.

"Please don't cry. Please. Don't cry." His fingers reached out to feel the soft smooth skin on the back of her hand. He'd never admit it, but It was one of the places he loved touching on her, right where her hand and wrist met.

"Touch me Gaius."

As he stood, he followed the line of her legs to her expansive stomach. She looked down at him. The tears still evident on her face. "_Touch me Gaius_." He flinched. He took a deep breath and extended his hand. He hadn't touched a pregnant woman's belly before. It wasn't what he expected. It felt strong, solid, and breathlessly sacred. He jerked back.

"I can't. I don't have the right." She dragged his hand back.

"Yes you do. You can't run from this Gaius. Its true." Their child kicked - hard. Gaius felt it as though it had happened inside him. The sensation made him giddy.

"Is that her? That's her! She's so strong already. Oh Gods she's got a great kick." He knew he was grinning like a fool, but dreams of a strong little girl with her looks and his intellect were filling his mind. She would be a great scientist. Maybe she would cure cancer in University, invent a better FTL drive in graduate school. Maybe even become a Pyramid cup winner with that kick of hers too. But she wouldn't. He snatched his hand out of her grasp.

"I need to, uh, finish cleaning this up."

"Of course." Her disappointed gaze followed him. She wiped her face. "I should go change." Quietly, she retreated. He went to get more towels.

He had made a pile of juice-soaked towels in the middle of the floor when he heard her screaming. He found her in the den crouching on the floor one hand pressed to her stomach and a puddle of water forming beneath her. He realized he was in very big trouble. He huddled next to her, grabbing her hand, holding on for dear life.

"Oh God, Gaius; you need to help me." Low groans welled up from her chest.

"Now?! It can't be now. We can still get you to the hospital," he frantically tried to reassure her. She shook her head. Sweat was already beading up on her forehead. Her eyes spasmed shut for a moment before focusing on him.

"No Gaius. She's coming right now. Right now!" She screamed as another contraction shuddered through her. Delirious eyes found his face. They looked bigger than he remembered, wide and bright with fear, pain, and anticipation. "You have to deliver the baby."

"No," he pleaded. "No."

"Gaius listen to me very carefully. You have to do this." Tears and sweat rolled down her cheeks. "If you - if you don't…" The words came out through clenched teeth. "If you don't - our baby will die. We can't let that happen. Please," she begged, "_help me_." Her voice was no more than a whisper. "Help me."

His mouth refused to move as though it were wired shut. How could he refuse her? He nodded dumbly. Stumbling to his feet, he bolted for the door, his jaw loosening just enough to mumble something about needing water. As he scrambled downstairs, his mind told him to go to the kitchen, boil water, but his legs were on autopilot. He was on the front lawn when he heard her shriek his name.

His body tore awake. He was sitting up in his bed aboard _Galactica,_ drenched in sweat. It was now a year since the worlds had ended, and his room was empty, silent, except for the pounding in his head. The alarm clock glowed ignorantly at him from the bedside table. Exhausted, he slumped forward rubbing his face with his hands and trying to stop shaking. "It wouldn't have worked. I would have been a lousy father. Terrible. Absolutely awful," he choked out. Suddenly he knew she was there next to him carefully dressed in a sexy red nightgown, little bursts of skin shining at him through the embroidery above her breasts. The tight satin revealed a reassuringly flat stomach. She extended her hand to him.

"Shhh Gaius. It was only a dream." He flinched at her touch. "Oh Gaius. What was it?" she asked indulgently. "I'm sure it was nothing." She gently stroked his head attempting to quiet him. He turned to gape at her, unsure why she wasn't furious with him.

"Well? What was it Gaius? What was your dream about?" She waited. "Really Gaius. Tell me." Now she was impatient. In that instant he understood – she really didn't know.

"Uh. Nothing," he said hastily. "I, uh, just," he floundered desperately for something, anything "nothing. It was nothing. Just a bad dream. Probably something I ate." He gave her a weak smile.

"Of course Gaius," she said. As she pulled back, he caught a glimpse of her rolling her eyes. Clumsily, he lurched forward pressing his lips to hers. He carefully peeked a moment later to make sure her eyes were closed.


End file.
